Where does our sense of worth come from?
For me, which can’t be healthy, has often come from the things I create. For a large part of my life it was making skateboard videos, now it is landscape photography, writing blogs, and playing the saxophone. When I was a sponsored skateboarder, I worked harder at producing content than probably any other rider, because for me, it wasn’t just about making videos, it was about proving the worth of my existence. With every video I created, I was earning my value and gaining my stamp of approval that I am worth being in this world. I do the same thing now with getting out in nature and taking landscape photos. Unfortunately for me, if the things I create aren’t well received, then I feel like I have failed at life, my life has no significance, and there is no point to my existence. My sense of worth hangs by a thread.
Where else does one find their worth? From their family? Most the time I feel like I don’t really have one. From God? Maybe it does, but more often than not, Drawing our worth from God feels like lofty words that have no practical meaning. I find myself in this Black Forest often, and all I can ever seem to do is describe my surroundings, I can never really find the way out.
Does awareness help? Whatever content I just put out into the world didn’t get the love and appreciation that I thought it would, here comes the self-worth crash. Being able to see it for what it is, observing it, and letting it pass, is that all I need to get through? Is it just a passing storm that we have to wait out? Life is full of these various types of storms isn’t it? Knowing what we are dealing with and being aware of what is happening is helpful. Otherwise we are doomed to think that a little rain falling from the sky is the end of the world.
How does one find their worth? If it isn’t coming from family, and I can’t rely on my hobbies, and for the days where God feels too “out there,” what can I do? I think the only lasting, sure thing is my community. I have to remember that there are people in the world that look forward to seeing me, and miss me when I am gone. My job functions smoothly and my boss has a lot less stress because I am there. I guess it all comes down to seeing the truth about our self isn’t it? To think our life doesn’t matter and is insignificant wouldn’t be true. There are enough people out there lying to us everyday, we don’t need to lie to ourselves on top of all that. Our community, our friendships, our workplace, like having us around. Don’t sell everyone short by thinking they don’t.