Where Does My Worth Come From

Where does our sense of worth come from?

For me, which can’t be healthy, has often come from the things I create. For a large part of my life it was making skateboard videos, now it is landscape photography, writing blogs, and playing the saxophone. When I was a sponsored skateboarder, I worked harder at producing content than probably any other rider, because for me, it wasn’t just about making videos, it was about proving the worth of my existence. With every video I created, I was earning my value and gaining my stamp of approval that I am worth being in this world. I do the same thing now with getting out in nature and taking landscape photos. Unfortunately for me, if the things I create aren’t well received, then I feel like I have failed at life, my life has no significance, and there is no point to my existence. My sense of worth hangs by a thread.

Where else does one find their worth? From their family? Most the time I feel like I don’t really have one. From God? Maybe it does, but more often than not, Drawing our worth from God feels like lofty words that have no practical meaning. I find myself in this Black Forest often, and all I can ever seem to do is describe my surroundings, I can never really find the way out.

Does awareness help? Whatever content I just put out into the world didn’t get the love and appreciation that I thought it would, here comes the self-worth crash. Being able to see it for what it is, observing it, and letting it pass, is that all I need to get through? Is it just a passing storm that we have to wait out? Life is full of these various types of storms isn’t it? Knowing what we are dealing with and being aware of what is happening is helpful. Otherwise we are doomed to think that a little rain falling from the sky is the end of the world.

How does one find their worth? If it isn’t coming from family, and I can’t rely on my hobbies, and for the days where God feels too “out there,” what can I do? I think the only lasting, sure thing is my community. I have to remember that there are people in the world that look forward to seeing me, and miss me when I am gone. My job functions smoothly and my boss has a lot less stress because I am there. I guess it all comes down to seeing the truth about our self isn’t it? To think our life doesn’t matter and is insignificant wouldn’t be true. There are enough people out there lying to us everyday, we don’t need to lie to ourselves on top of all that. Our community, our friendships, our workplace, like having us around. Don’t sell everyone short by thinking they don’t.

This entry was posted in Miscellaneous and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Where Does My Worth Come From

  1. Hasty Bob says:

    Great thoughts, Scotty!
    Deep read. I appreciate your Pic!Posts!and your Cappuccinos😂keep on keepin on!!

  2. David Vallotton says:

    Honest!! This is truth that we all need to be reminded of. This whole idea has exploded with social media. You post and get a like or comment and like a gambler who wins a hand, we need more. It’s never enough. When I was young with, no social media, we did all we could to earn a reputation. To be funny, crazy, cool or tough. Or a good Christian when you were around your Christian friends. Not much different than now with social media except that to create new content it was always in real community.
    Strangely enough this doesn’t completely go away even in your old age. I wish it did. We need to feel validated but this will never be completely filled by people. God and his word helps fill this but as long as we are on this side of eternity we can’t sustain it.
    Keep writing, you have great insight.

  3. Mark Johnson says:

    I appreciate this reflection. I’ve asked this question of myself many times in various ways. I’ve chased performance/achievement driven worth most my life but that sense of fulfilling validation always seemed just out of reach. As a recovering perfectionist my inner critic was loud and obnoxious: “you will never be enough, you need to try harder.”

    I am learning to slow down and understand my identity and value through the One who made me – not just in what I do. This hasn’t been an overnight success because I’ve long viewed God as perpetually disappointed in me. I’m still growing in this. I am learning to believe that I am loved just for being me – including all my limitations and brokenness.

    Scotty you are valued for who you are. Just you. I enjoy hanging out w you and having authentic conversation. I enjoy hearing your story and your perspective on the world. You bring value to my life by just being present in it. And that’s just after hanging out only a couple of times. Ha!

    Keep writing. Put yourself out there – all the beautiful mess of it. I love your courage.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s